Trust and Self-Advocacy
By Paul Mansell
Our lives are full of relationships—loved ones, family and friends, peers, classmates, and co-workers. For each and every healthy relationship we have in our life there is a foundation of trust. Trust is the confidence that we have with another person that they will treat us with respect, honor their word, and follow through on what they say they will do, be competent, speak and act in our best interest, and be there for us in times of need. Associated with trust is safety and security.
Trust develops overtime and has its origins with family in early childhood. We draw on the nurturing loving relationships with our mother and father to develop feelings of safety, security, and love. Building on top of family relationships are those with teachers who educate us and develop our minds to equip us to be successful in life. During the childhood years, feelings of trust and identity develop with our friends and people we hang out with. Trust becomes more complicated as we enter our adult years with post-secondary education, employment, and personal relationships. Trust is especially important to us with developmental disabilities, who have unique support needs and vulnerabilities.
As valuable as trust is, factors such as harsh criticism, unwarranted and harsh punishment, abandonment, bullying, teasing, trauma, or abuse, can undermine our capacity to trust. Without a capacity to trust, our ability to enjoy a rich, rewarding, and satisfying life living up to our potential is greatly diminished. With our physical, cognitive, personal, and self-care needs, we with developmental disabilities are especially vulnerable to mistreatment, neglect, and abuse.
It becomes clear that capacity of knowing whom to trust and whom not to trust becomes an essential life skill for independent living in the community. It makes sense to surround ourselves with people we trust and to avoid people we don’t trust. It requires judgement, discernment, and common sense. Maturity and experience tells us not to give trust away automatically to just anybody. Trust needs to be earned. Building trust is like a long journey and starts with a single step—start small and stay in the light. Trust is not black or white, but conditional. We can trust some people with somethings, but not other things. As we develop a positive relationship, we can trust others with more. Seeking the advice of people we already trust regarding new people we want to trust may be very helpful. Listening can be a very helpful skill in building a trustful environment. It should be noted here that maintaining a safe and secure environment should never be used and an excuse for cutting ourselves off from the rest of the community.
Here are some suggestions to help building trusting relationships and environments. Be accepting, don’t judge and condemn others. Let go of hurts and bitterness. Treat people as individuals worthy of respect. How we treat others will influence what we will get in return. Learn to forgive. We all make mistakes, sometimes embarrassing and hurtful mistakes. Free yourself of guilt and don’t load guilt on others. Give people the opportunity to redeem themselves and to grow to their full potential.
No person is an island. No person is wholly self-sufficient or self-reliant. We can’t give birth to ourselves. Part of the human condition is that we need each other. It is the energy from our interconnections that causes the world to spin. The foundation of each and every relationship is trust. Misplaced trust, such as betrayal, back stabbing, or breach of confidence, can lead to all manners of pain and suffering and this is very important to us self-advocates. As we join our rightful places in the community and workplace, we need to learn how to trust wisely and appropriately.